Simultaneous Contradiction

its going to be morning soon... i see the orange streaks in the indigo sky...
walking back home through 'the connection'... i see the fire in the flies... the silence has a music...
 the connection...  staring at that directional infiniteness fills me with immense happiness...  the lights turn red and the world i see, pauses... a moment of uneasy stagnancy... 
and they are green again... all at a time... and the world i see triggers back to motion flux... 
a sense of calmness in the continuous dynamics of the world... 
with this sense of certainty of motion, i leave the connection to reach my destination... 
and just in a spur of moment... the happiness diminishes... i am filled with insecurities, questions, distress and guilt... yes, guilt!... 
I look around to find assurance only to find a hollow emptiness... 
the quietness around is too noisy to bear... the vastness that contains me is too enormous to shrink within my confined realm...
remember me? desperately waiting to break free and fly high? i now long adherence, a sense of belonging...   
you would call me crazy... i would call me crazy too... 
in a moment of life i find eternal bliss and in the same moment i loose all hope...  
split between this simultaneous contradiction.....